A Visit From St. What's-his-Name

by Janine Baker, OFI Associate
for
The Optimal Functioning Institute™

T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the place
Not an item was finished
(''Twas a state of disgrace.)

The stockings were strewn
In a mess on the chair.
The dog ate the sugarplums
Batteries?? Where!!!!

"We've less than four hours!"
My wife said in fright.
"All my plans turned to chaos,
And the tree, it's a sight!!"

I said "I'm not worried,"
(OK so I lied)
But the job falls to me here
To take things in stride

When my wife's ADD
Hits its peak in December.
But this was the worst
Christmas Eve I remember.

I brewed her some coffee
And prayed for success:
That the kids might awaken
To more than this mess.

For nothing was wrapped
(and a few gifts were lost!)
"I SWEAR that I bought them
Before the first frost!"

"Let's focus on these."
(I took things in hand)
But she cried as she told me,
"You don't understand."

So we had a quick fight
As the clock kept on ticking.
Then she noticed the flock
on the tree wasn't sticking.

Before I could stop her
She got out the glue
And each branch, one by one,
She was flocking anew.

As distraction was winning,
My mind was a fog,
Something fell down our chimney
KERPLUNK on a log.

My wife in the kitchen,
I leaned on a shelf
and reached for my heart.
It was Santa himself!

Amazement aside,
I got down on my knees.
"My dear ol' St. Nicholas,
Help us! Oh, please!!"

"We've two little children
Asleep in their beds,
And we're in (as you see here)
Way over our heads."

"Cause my wife got distracted,
Then I got confused,
And than she got upset . . . "
Santa looked quite amused.

Then he glanced all around
With a loud "HO, HO, HO!
It's Christmas, young man!"
And I said "YES!! I KNOW!!!"

"Please help us with wrapping!!
And finding lost toys!
The tree is so crooked!
My poor little boys..."

Then he put up his finger
To ask me to shoosh,
While I prayed he would fix things
In one magic whoosh.

But instead he ate cookies
And sat on the floor.
Then he beckoned my wife
Who stood stunned by the door.

"Oh, good people," he started,
"I do understand.
But you're fretting for nothing."
He raised up his hand.

"This is it!" I rejoiced.
"He'll wave up some spells . . ."
As he reached for the coffee
The clock chimed three bells.

Then my wife really lost it,
"On Rudolph's life, PLEASE!
DO something, Santa!"
(I squirmed with unease.)

"I'll tell ya' a secret,"
He said with a grin.
"Things need not be perfect
When day rushes in."

"Christmas is sharing
From just who ya' are.
If the tree top is crooked
You still see the star."

"If the eggnog is runny
Just laugh and enjoy
So the wrapping is wrinkled --
the box holds a toy!"

"Your children, they know this.
They trust they'll have fun --
If you'll laugh and LET 'em
When up comes the sun."

I thought he made sense
But my wife still looked blue.
"I bet you'd say else
If it happened to you!"

"Oh, yeah?" Santa asked,
"My dearest, not true.
I'll tell you a secret . . .
I'm ADD too!"

She gasped and was silent
Sat frozen as ice.
"Why else did ya' think
That I check my list TWICE?!"

"My original plan,
When I first had this thought
Was to send through the MAIL
All the presents I'd BOUGHT!"

"But whatever it took,
We got the job done,
And created some systems
That really were fun!"

"Mrs. Claus hired elves
To pick up my slack,
And we all hyperfocused
'To pack up my sack."

"I took off in a sleigh
I was clueless to land,
And that chimney-slide thing?
You can't think THAT was planned!"

"I had thousands of keys
To fit every door
'But I left the darn key ring
At home on the floor."

"We were so well-received
That we kept the thing going.
I stayed the Creative,
While elves did the sewing,

And building and pasting
And tagging and tacking. . .
And painting and tasting
And wrapping and packing!"

"You might not have gotten
Exactly the toy
You may have requested
When you were a boy."

"The LIST, it was my job
(Admin's not my thing!)
So I sneaked in some extra's
I thought I should bring."

"So Christmas ain't perfect,
And neither are we."
He smiled as I gazed at
Our lop-sided tree.

The room now seemed different
(Though still quite the mess)
A nap sounded tempting
I have to confess.

So we threw in the towel
As we shook Santa's hand.
We had wearily learned
What the kids understand.

As we climbed up the stairs
For a well deserved rest,
Brushing flock from our clothes
And expecting the best

We heard Rudolph exclaim,
As they rode out of sight,
"Santa's map's upside down
C'mon Reindeer, turn RIGHT!!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS
from
The Optimal Functioning Institute™ --
Developing systems to help ADDults reach their goals -- and live their dreams.
Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, founder & CEO
http://www.addcoach.com/mgh

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