Self-Help Bench

TIMESTEPS -- I'll Be Ready In Five Minutes
(a beginners guide to time)
by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie
Fall 1996

The following is an excerpt from Madelyn's soon to be published book, OPTIMAL FUNCTIONING, a Coaching Manual -- Not Just For ADD. This exerpt deals with a subject near and dear to every ADDer's heart -- getting out the door!

INTRODUCTION --THE ADD LENS

I like the idea of looking at things through the ADD lens. In ADD support groups we learn that our symptoms are not unique and that others have found ways of coping with them.

If functioning constancy is an ongoing problem for you, try on the diagnosis and start to utilize a few of the techniques that have been found to work with people who have been diagnosed with ADD.. See if looking at yourself through the ADD lens - - "as if" you had ADD -- gives you a way to approach areas of prior difficulty in a way that you can handle them.

SOLUTIONS ARE INDIVIDUAL.

What is growth inducing for one person could be contra-indicated in another, no matter how many other people embrace it. Maybe the reason you are still having problems is the simple fact that you have not come up with the system that works the way you work.

You will never come up with that system looking solely at what works for others. The only way to come up with it is to develop it from the inside out, without making yourself feel disabled and disempowered in the process.

HOW I COACH CLIENTS

All professional coaches have an underlying way of looking at life and at coaching that shapes their particular approach and determines how they work. I personally believe that it is impossible to make changes that are reactions to shame.

When a client is able to see that the some of the choices they have made to this point are merely choices that haven't worked, not choices that say something about their intrinsic worth as a human being, rapid progress is possible. There is a clearing in which to develop specific systems that work for the specific individual.

MY APPROACH

1. There is nothing "wrong" here. 2. What's working already? 3. What's working about it? What values are being expressed? What needs are being met in a healthy, constructive way? 4. How can we expand that into the rest of your life? 5. What are you tolerating? 6. What actions can you take or requests can you make to eliminate all tolerations, one by one? 7. What's in the way of your really shining? Where are the blocks? What are you trying to do the hard way (for you)? 8. What systems can we put in place to work around what you don't do well and utilize all of your strengths? 9. If your life were EXACTLY the way you want it, what would it look like? 10. NOW, lets work on setting up your life so you love it. We'll develop an action plan and I'll coach you every step of the way.

Obviously, I am a big believer in the value of using the services of a coach. I am a coach and I have a coach. This book is going to use the approach above to help you to coach yourself, looking through the ADD lens.

If you really want to progress at warp speed, get yourself a coach to guide you through. Not only is there synergy in partnership that is impossible alone, it is a rare individual whose motivation is as strong and unwavering as will be necessary to stay focused through the process.

TIMESTEPS: I'LL BE READY IN FIVE MINUTES (a beginner's guide to time)

Ask five close friends or family members how long it takes you to get out of the house: from the exact time that you begin to get ready until you're locking your door for the last time. Average those times. This is the AVERAGE time it takes you to get ready.

Pay attention to your reaction to people's comments. My own personal average is one hour. This was a total shock to me. I would have said thirty minutes. And, subconsciously, I allotted thirty minutes. That left me thirty minutes late, no matter how well getting ready went.

PLAYING WITH THE NUMBERS

You are not going to try to shorten the average time that it takes you to get out the door. You are going work with it. As you work with this chapter you will get specific as to the tasks that belong in each of your getting ready rates. For right now we are working with the concept of different rates without it all feeling like "rush rate".

What is the briefest time someone gave you? This is your "express rate". And the longest? This is your "luxury liner". Accept these time frames until you have spent enough time with these numbers to change them with certainty.

USE YOUR TOOLS

Start by picking a project to work on. Don't pick one that has a high valence attached. You won't be able to do the work if being late for a $100 a ticket opera is at stake. Pick an activity that you would like to be on time for and that other's would like you to be on time for but no one for which there are no seriously negative consequences for tardiness. A party is a better choice than a sit-down dinner. Leaving the house too late to attend the six o'clock movie with your spouse will have fewer repercussions than being late to meet your spouse on the street corner near the six o'clock movie.

When you have identified your activity, be prepared to set an alarm clock or a timer for thirty minutes ahead of your *luxury liner* time. When the alarm rings, take a look at the task you are doing and see if you can put it away within thirty minutes. If so, then reset the alarm for thirty minutes and begin the "transitioning out of" phase of your project immediately. When the alarm rings again you know you must begin to get ready using the luxury liner pace you have allotted.

Let's say that this is not possible today. You know you will need more time to put away what you are doing, or you discover that you will need more time when the alarm rings. Now we're into "express rate". Don't try to pack luxury time into express rate by rushing around like a dervish. Commit to express rate and only those tasks that belong to it.

For me, express rate is half an hour. That only includes the basics -- wash face, quickie makeup (or makeup in the cab), one change of clothes. So I would reset my alarm to allot myself thirty minutes at express rate and whatever time it would take to finish putting away the task at hand.

When the alarm rings, write down the time. Then start the basics. That's the commitment. Don't cheat. Stand up, and go to the place where you start your first "getting ready" task on the express rate plan.

TAKE YOUR TIMER

Set the alarm for five minutes before you need to walk out the door. When that alarm rings notice how close you feel to your time projection. Then continue with the tasks you still need to do until you are ready to walk out of the door. Did you finish with the alarm?

If not, continue with getting ready tasks until you are ready to walk out the door. If chronic lateness is a problem for you then make friends with the idea that you are going to be late one more time. You are beginning to set up a system that will enable you to develop the habit of being on time. Don't short change yourself today. When you are ready to walk, do one more thing -- WRITE DOWN THE TIME.

Out the door, we'll dissect what happened later.

DEBRIEF THE SESSION

No more than 24 hours after the getting ready session, schedule half an hour to go over what happened.

If you finished with the alarm, congratulate yourself on a job well done and give your two year old inner self whatever it considers "a cookie" for cooperating. You have the beginnings of a system that is going to work for you. What remains now is to practice the system until it becomes a habit.

THE ALARM BEAT ME

Even if you finished after the alarm rang you have the beginnings of a system that is going to work for you. There are just a few refinements that you have to make.

Write down everything you did that was not really part of "express" time. Do you need to redefine express time? In addition to the absolute essentials (keys, money, clothing), what additional tasks are part of YOUR express time.

What tasks did you do after the alarm rang? You know how long they took because you wrote down the time. If you determine that these task are a legitimate part of your express rate, adjust your express rate time to adjust for them. Go through the above process as many times as it takes to finish with the alarm.

FIGHT DENIAL

Now all you have to do is use your system -- *every* time. If you are like most of my clients you will start playing games with yourself about this. "Oh surely I don't have to set an alarm for five minutes!"

That is exactly the kind of thinking that will booby trap you. If you had a good feel for time you would not be working this chapter. Use the system you have put into place until you come up with one that makes more sense for you. The point here is to use a system. Every time.

MADELYN GRIFFITH-HAYNIE is a coach in Knoxville who has been working with ADD in her own life since 1987. She specializes in setting up systems. A large part of her practice consists of individual with ADD and ADD coaches. She can be reached by email at support@addcoach.com.

Summer 96

WHAT IS ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER ANYWAY?

by Linda Anderson

-- a quick primer for those of you who aren't quite sure. ADD is a biological, neurologically based and sometimes genetically based condition affecting 5% of all children. Researchers now believe that there are many adults with this condition who were never diagnosed and may never have outgrown the condition from childhood.

Learning disabilities are often associated with ADD. Hyperactivity *at times* is associated with ADD and is referred to as ADHD.

The American Psychiatric Association indicates specific criteria for diagnosing an adult with ADD. The most basic criteria is that the symptoms noted existed before the age of seven and were chronic and pervasive. The following is a list of characteristics commonly associated with Attention Deficit Disorder. Not every person diagnosed with ADD has all of these characteristics:

• Difficulty getting organized
• Chronic procrastination
• Many projects going simultaneously
• Impulsive action and speech
• Need for high stimulation
• Easily distracted, trouble focusing
• Easily bored
• Poor short term memory
• Difficulty following proper procedures
• Impatient, easily frustrated
• Worry needlessly, endlessly
• Restless - mentally, physically or both
• Addictive behavior
• Sleep disturbances
• Low self esteem
• Some other possible characteristics are:
• Job related problems
• Difficulty with co-workers
• Problems with authority
• Inability to take criticism
• Mood swings, depression
• Being a loner.

The other side of these more familiar negative characteristics of ADD are its positive aspects. Individuals with ADD are often highly intelligent, creative and intuitive. They can be full of energy, enthusiastic, always ready to try something new. They can have a youthful outlook whatever their age, a great resilience to disappointment, a willingness - even an eagerness - to explore new concepts and technologies, and are tolerant of others' lifestyles and points of view. If they get stuck, they may explore new strategies and develop innovative, creative solutions to problems. The can vent their anger and not hold a grudge, look past the surface to the core of people, situations and issues, and engage wholeheartedly in their efforts because they do what they want to do rather than what they "should" do. They are frequently artistic - musicians, actors, painters, dancers.

Among well-known people, it's been said that Ben Franklin, Ernest Hemingway, Henry Ford, Mozart, and Thomas Edison had ADD. Highly successful people who had/have learning disabilities include Albert Einstein, Edgar Allan Poe, George Bernard Shaw, Salvador Dali, William Butler Yeats, John D. Rockefeller, Cher, Bruce Jenner, Tom Cruise, Hans Christian Anderson and Winston Churchill.