COACHING AND ADD: ONE PERSON'S STORY
by James S. Vuocolo

Like many people, I wear a lot of different hats. In addition to publishing The Coaching Gazette newsletter I am a father and husband, senior minister and coach, author and teacher, workshop leader and volunteer board and committee member, mentor and counselor, neighbor and friend. I also happen to have a genetically influenced neuro-biological disorder known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or AD/HD, that went undiagnosed and untreated for the first 45 years of my life!

Simply stated, having ADD or AD/HD means the neurotransmitters (or messengers) of the sub-cortex of the brain don't speak to each other in the same way as in other people's brains when this condition is absent. Consequently, ADD folks lack the mental braking system necessary to stop, or inhibit certain kinds of behaviors and emotions.

The term deficit in the title can sometimes be misleading. There's an attention deficit precisely because we tend to scan and take everything in around us! We also very often take things in too quickly - much like a car that's rolling down a steep hill through a series of S-curves without any brakes! So then, the child with ADD or AD/HD sees and hears the math teacher at the blackboard explaining a problem - but is, at the same time, watching the custodian speaking to the fire inspector out in the hallway through a glass with wire-mesh panel in the classroom door, and simultaneously seeing and hearing a large white truck picking up green dumpsters of trash outside the window at the opposite end of the room! The attention deficit is really very often a surplus of attention, or data, that's very rapidly coming in! Some folks have the added challenges of learning disabilities that may co-exist with ADD such as dyslexia, auditory processing problems, and a math or foreign language disability. The authors of the best-selling book, Driven to Distraction state:

Since ADD affects all areas of cognition, it will exacerbate any learning disability, ADD is not a specific learning disability in itself, it does not disable any one cognitive function, but is broader than that. (p. 163.)

How I wish I had known this while struggling through two years of high school math and French classes. Or later on, while seemingly "dying" in seminary classes of Biblical Greek and Hebrew!

On the other hand, we AD/HD folks can also hyper-focus on a particular task. I vividly recall not leaving my seat at the kitchen table of my apartment for a full 72 hours while composing the thesis for my first seminary degree on a portable manual typewriter in 1978 - except for a few brief periods to visit the bathroom while simultaneously reading a book; or eating a snack while continuing to type and speak on the phone. No brakes!

When I smoked cigarettes, I consistently puffed on as many as 60 per day (i.e. 3 packs) for 26 years until finally quitting some 8 years ago. No brakes! Whenever I'd drink alcoholic beverages, stop to gamble at a casino while on vacation, or eat the foods I enjoyed - it was always to excess. No brakes! I never realized that I engaged in such behavior in order to slow down and focus. I only knew I seemingly lacked the necessary will power to change; So I would emotionally beat-myself-up for being internally weak! Imagine, a creative person who's IQ consistently scores well into the genius category - with three college degrees, a wife, a son, two cars, two cats, one mortgage and a successful professional life - not being able to "just say no" to a package of Hostess Twinkies at the local convenience store! Little did I know or understand that, along with thousands (if not millions) of others who share my condition, I was simply attempting to medicate myself and slow mys! elf do wn without the benefit of any professional medical assistance. And it worked - but only in rather sad, inappropriate, and even dangerous ways. Indeed, once I had literally gained a few hundred unnecessary pounds, I became a lot slower than I once had been in my younger days - a genuine couch-potato! But I was mentally and emotionally just as scrambled as ever!

Now imagine experiencing all of this together with a perpetual knot in the stomach that frequently surfaces without warning as inappropriate anger or humor (the "class clown" syndrome!); an impulsive interruption of others who are speaking; a willingness to engage others in scathing debate even upon first meetings with them; uncontrolled changes of inner moods and mental lapses during any given conversation; unexplained periods of depression and lethargy, insomnia, impulse spending and increased credit card debt; juggling several projects at once with very little consideration for detail or follow- through; low self esteem; a lack of personal concern for nutrition or health - and it's not difficult to paint a picture of someone who appears successful on the outside while experiencing inexplicable turmoil on the inside. Welcome to my world ... the topsy-turvy world of AD/HD!

Just for good measure, let's toss in the fact that I have worked for over 20 years to become a highly skilled and successful ordained minister, a so-called "man of God" to whom others (including many of my colleagues over the years) frequently turn in order to "straighten out their lives" and "get their problems solved." So then imagine what experiencing the symptoms of AD/HD on a daily basis in this context might do to your own self-esteem, sense of confidence and worth! I recall being openly chided during a doctoral seminar in pastoral care while in seminary by an otherwise competent professor who one day glared at me and pointedly said: "Jim, do you always laugh inappropriately during serious discussions? You had better not ever do so in the parish! You'll need to work on that... And please don't ever do so in this class, again!" No brakes!

The perpetual stacks and piles of papers, magazines, catalogs and assorted other clutter around my office was a physical representation of the mental and emotional clutter I was experiencing within. No wonder I was constantly forgetting simple tasks, people's names, or even where I had placed my keys. Oh yes, I have been late for a scheduled church meeting because it took a full 20 minutes to search for my keys! And of course I have purchased the wrong type of milk at the store. By the time I arrived at the proper aisle, I had forgotten why I was even in the store! Once the incorrect container of milk was discovered at home, I'd say, "But honey, just look at all the other great deals I found that weren't even on your shopping list!" Beginning to sound familiar? No brakes!

It's important to know that all people can experience some, or even most, symptoms of Adult ADD from time to time. Consider memory lapses, for example. I can't honestly recall ever being any other way. Yet I can recall feeling ashamed and embarrassed over 20 years ago the day someone asked me to read a lengthy magazine article entitled, "How To Improve Your Memory". I got more than half way through the entire article before putting down the magazine, looking up and sheepishly reporting with a straight and somber face, "You know, I just remembered something. I already read this entire article last week!" (I won't bore you by reporting the amount of money I've subsequently spent on audio and video-tape programs and herbal products that hold out the promise of improving the human memory!) The genuine difference for the ADD or AD/HD person is one of intensity and duration, and the fact that these symptoms present themselves in clusters (or bunches) of difficulties, simultaneously. It's not simply forgetting a name or a place; but doing so within ! an ent ire constellation of other ADD-related symptoms at home, at work, and in all that we do.

Today, I consider myself an extremely fortunate individual. I know that I have this condition, but I also know I'm in pretty good company (some well-known people with ADD and related problems include Albert Einstein, Mozart, John Lennon, Robin Williams, Cher, Agatha Christie, John F. Kennedy, Mariel Hemmingway and Dwight Eisenhower, just to name a few!) When I look back, it's truly miraculous that I never experienced any serious medical or legal difficulty because of the anger exhibited while driving a car, or drinking too heavily in order to slow down my internal pace (Thank God I never attempted to do both of these tasks at the same time)! It makes me wonder aloud how many ADD and AD/HD folks do experience such difficulties without ever learning about the root-cause of the problems they face vis-'a-vis the legal or medical situations they may have to endure.

After living in California for about a year, I discovered a magazine article about Coach University and its founder, Thomas J. Leonard. The ties between coaching and the parish ministry appeared obvious to me, and so I began to conduct some further investigation. This, in turn, led me to retain a personal coach who also happens to be an Episcopal priest with ADD (don't tell me God has no sense of humor!). Stephen took one look at the written assessments I had completed and asked if I had ever heard of ADD. I replied that I had heard of ADD in "unruly children" - but he was the first person to ever inform me that adults could experience this condition as well. He shared something of his own experience with me, and suggested a book I have subsequently recommended to other parishioners, coaching clients, medical professionals and friends. Reading Driven to Distraction was both an enlightening and frightening experience. In it, I saw myself and my life being openly discussed on what truly seemed like virtually every other page! This, together with the ongoing support and encouragement of my personal coach, finally led me to seek professional medical assistance.

In the prelude of her excellent book, entitled, A Comprehensive Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults, Kathleen G. Nadeau, Ph.D. writes: "No broadly accepted standard yet exists for the diagnosis of attention deficit disorder in adults." My personal physician was predictably skeptical about my story and its connections to the best-selling book I carried into his office one day - until I also produced the original copies of my own report cards dating back to grades I through 7 in New Jersey public schools. Year after year, the teacher's comments were absolutely and consistently classic examples of what we now know to be ADD in children. Since no definitive diagnostic tests for Adult ADD yet exist (unlike the more accurate testing that is available for children) personal and medical histories are crucial and are, in many cases, the determining factor.

My own report cards from grade school were critical in enabling my own condition to be professionally diagnosed and treated for the very first time. After reading six of the seven cards, my doctor looked up at me and said, "I think you're absolutely correct about these comments! You probably do have some form of ADD" What did these elementary school teachers have to say about me back than? Here are a few brief examples:

"Jimmy is doing well in his work. He could improve in listening and following directions"; and later in the year -"Jimmy has shown no improvement in his attitude toward responsibility and maturity." - A.C., 2nd Grade.

"Jimmy works very carelessly and is too easily distracted'; and later that year - "I have been disappointed in Jimmy's scholarship this year. This is due to lack of attention. He is a pleasant class member." - A.L.P., 3rd Grade.

"Jim is making no effort to improve his behavior. He talks continually." and later in the year -"With more effort, Jim could be a very good student." - D. H., the same 4th Grade teacher that was so upset she literally punched me in the side one day in class for not paying attention!

"Jim is sloppy and careless in much of his work. He does not take the time to read directions or do work neatly"; and also, "Jim is finding difficulty in keeping quiet of late. He thinks it's a big joke to be scolded for doing something wrong. It's a poor attitude to carry to 6th grade. Jim is a good student for the most part." - J.E.D., 5th Grade.

"Jim must work harder at his arith." - J.G., 6th Grade. "James does too much fooling in class." - P.M.G., 7th Grade, and also, "James needs to put more concentrated effort into his class work." - M.P., 7th Grade.

Today, I am still not a "perfect" human being - far from it! But I also now know that I'm not crazy, lazy or unduly neurotic, either - and this continues to provide a tremendous sense of relief that empowers me. I am also constantly learning new ways to function more effectively in the world. I am working with a terrific nutritionist who provides me with the diet and exercise structure and support necessary to enable me to lose a great deal of fat without feeling deprived or hungry. I make a monthly visit to my physician to check on my blood pressure (which has recently reached a new low of 107 over 72), weight loss (which is now 146 lbs. closer to my personal goal), and the effects of the daily medication that helps me to mentally focus, and immediately enabled me to stop drinking any/all alcoholic beverages.

One final word of caution is simply this: Don't assume that all (or even most) medical people know any more about ADD or AD/HD then the people who live with it do! When I initially shared my own diagnostic suspicions with a well-intentioned friend and parishioner who works as a physician's assistant, he said, "I understand what you're saying. But you're also my pastor, and I guess I'd like for you to pray long and hard about it before spiritually surrendering by turning to secular drug therapy." I thought for a moment, smiled, and replied by saying, "If my problem is ADD-related, what makes you think I can concentrate long enough to listen for a divine answer in prayer?" And it's true. At that point in time, my own inner prayer life was as equally "cluttered" as the piles of papers in my office! Like many clergy-persons, I can pray aloud as eloquently as the next person before a crowd on Sunday morning - but that's precisely because I get to do all, or at least most, of! the taking! Telling an ADD or AD/HD child or adult who needs medication to "pay closer attention" or to "pray harder" is just as futile as telling a near sighted person without eyeglasses or contact lenses to "squint a lot harder" in order to clearly see - it just doesn't work! Consequently, I have come to appreciate the structure and focus that my weekly coaching sessions with Stephen provide. My family relationships at home have drastically improved according to the family members who live with me; and my relationships and effectiveness at work has significantly improved as well.

Together, these previously unforeseen and unknown factors have miraculously conspired to change my life for the better! In addition to continuing to serve the church as a local parish pastor, I am part of a 2-year Coach's Training Program at Coach University to acquire and utilize the skills needed in serving others as a professional coach. Utilizing the technologies available to most people via the telephone and/or computer modem, I can now offer a full and unique range of services to people who are both within and beyond the ADD-related communities, no matter where they may be living and working across the nation.

Succinctly stated, professional coaching provides an effective means by which people can move from where they presently find themselves in life and in work, to where they desire to be. At this stage of my own life's journey and work, I believe that coaching represents a contemporary manifestation of the same divine Spirit and calling to be of service to other persons that I originally experienced over 20 years ago. As well as enabling me to develop a unique ministry to myself and my family, professional coaching provides a unique context and opportunity to serve others who (for a variety of reasons) may never choose to personally be influenced or informed by any organized religious community of faith, be it Christian or otherwise. I therefore consider my own diagnosis and treatment for AD/HD as being a unique gift that carries within it both an opportunity and obligation to be of service to others who exist within, and outside of, the Christian Church's current sphere of influence and understanding.

In Driven to Distraction, authors and psychiatrists Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey write:

We particularly like the idea of a coach. This person may also be a therapist, but need not be ... What is an ADD Coach? The person is just what the name implies: an individual standing on the sidelines with a whistle around his or her neck barking out encouragement, directions, and reminders to the player in the game. The coach can be a pain in the neck sometimes, dogging the player to stay alert, in the game, and the coach can be a source of solace when the player feels ready to give up. Mainly, the coach keeps the player focused on the task at hand and offers encouragement along the way. (p. 226)

A great many people in our society will soon benefit from retaining a personal coach for a few months to a few years at a time in order to help master different areas in their personal and business lives. For years, only top corporate executives and CEO's had personal coaches. But like many of today's other technologies, e.g. microwave ovens, personal computers cellular telephones, etc., virtually anyone who wishes to improve their lot in life can now obtain a personal coach through the Coach Referral Services at Coach University and/or the International Coach Federation. Given the potential long-term benefits to individuals and to entire organizations, I truly believe the day is not far off when people in our society will stop asking, "What does a personal coach do?" and begin asking one another, "Who is your personal coach this year?"

I sometimes think about some of the people and former friends whom I've managed to unwittingly "drive out of my life" because of not knowing about my own AD/HD condition. I can even name a few of these individuals! But I don't dwell on past failures for any length of time. These days, I'm much too busy working to become a more effective person, pastor and professional Coach for myself, and others, to spend much time rehearsing the past.

To my surprise and delight, people both in and out of my church and current coaching practice have approached me with stories and symptoms of their own ADD and AD/HD - without any solicitation on my part, whatsoever. Free time is now spent in extra coaching classes and seminars, and being present with loved ones and friends.

I can't really say I enjoy having AD/HD - but knowing about my own condition and learning more about it in myself and in others has given me a brand new dimension to explore wherein life finally begins to make some real sense. My own vision of personal ministry and mission - both as a pastor and as a coach - has also been expanded to include helping others with these kinds of disorders. The future is filled with scores of dreams yet to be focused upon and experienced. But when I finally get to each one of these, I know that they too, will serve to strengthen the personal foundation from which I shall dare to forge ahead with a new sense of inner confidence and courage! And for this I am truly grateful.

The Coaching Gazette is published six times a year to promote personal growth and inform the public about developments and happenings in the realm of professional Coaching. Subscriptions are free to Coaching Clients of the publisher. All information that appears is the property of The Coaching Gazette, and may not be reproduced unless expressly attributed to the publisher. For additional information about Coaching, or to obtain an annual subscription at only $ 2.50 per copy, or 15.00 per year, please contact:
James S. Vuocolo, D. Min.,
ClergyCoach. Member,
International Coach Federation
Phone\Fax: (909) 794-2136
1227 Via Florence Redlands, California 92374-3990
Email: netcoach@empirenet.com

Many Different Coaching Resources and Assessment Programs are available:

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