"When I Watch World News Tonight, It Makes Me Want To Hug My Mom Or Dad"
by Dr. Steven Richfield
I think his underlying points below can be applied to ADD Clients of any age concerning much of the content we work with in coaching, with very little massaging. [ALL emphasis below was added by mgh for focus]
"When I Watch World News Tonight, It Makes Me Want To
Hug My Mom Or Dad"
by Dr. Steven Richfield
Peter Jennings doesn't usually trigger displays of affection
in my 10 year old
These three words came to mind because they have been etched in since my graduate training in psychology. I remember the discussions about children facing medical procedures, recovering from car accidents, and other traumatic events. Professors would describe the details of the three step process, while my classmates and I jotted down notes. Over twenty years later, I turn to these same three steps as both father and child psychologist. I believe that it behooves us all as parents to prepare our children to cope with trauma of an entirely different scope.
Trauma is a sudden and sharp assault on one's sense of safety and control. For children, today's trauma is embedded in the words and pictures that spread fear of tomorrow's events. As news of war and terror alerts filters into our homes and conversations, many children will experience some shattering of their security. Some children will no doubt be more traumatized than others. Preparing our children for these events offers them a framework for placing information into an understandable context. Managing the thoughts and feelings stirred by events involves helping them to distinguish misinformation, reassure themselves, and find comfort in close relationships and routines. Mastery of the emotional impact of the events is the mental process of reconciling the facts with feelings, so that life can go on, afterwards.
Preparation begins with considering your child's unique sensitivities and predisposition. If world events tends to tip the emotional scales in the direction of sleeplessness, protracted worry and preoccupation, proceed cautiously. This doesn't mean that you should avoid all discussion. If, on the other hand, your child tends to exist in the bubble of childhood, seemingly insulated from world events, it may be possible to use this opportunity to expand his/her frame of reference. The following points are offered for your consideration with the caveat that your own knowledge of your child can be your best guide:
Think of preparation as a stable foundation upon which to place heavy feelings and jarring knowledge. Try introducing the subject of war by speaking of how people's beliefs can be so strong and one-sided that they act like blindfolds. These blindfolds make some people feel they are right to take any action to back up their beliefs, no matter the consequences. Unfortunately, war has been necessary in the past to stop people whose beliefs harm large groups of people. Although our country doesn't wish for war, we turn to it as a way to stop those people whose "blindfold beliefs" can harm us. Suggest that war is likely to happen again, and that may make them feel a lot of different feelings.? Fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, and many other feelings may surface in many people who watch a war on television and listen to news broadcasts. Explain how these are normal reactions that will lessen by expressing their ideas and feelings and asking questions.? Point out that they remain safe no matter what feelings they are having, and that when it's over, the plan is for our safety to be even stronger.
Think of management as the daily discussions you will have with your child to keep up with how events are affecting them. Even though you may decide to pursue the preparatory approach I advised, it will be important to supervise and manage the flow? of information.? If you decide to allow your child to watch news broadcasts,? sit by their side and periodically ask them about their thoughts and feelings. For many children, the pictures will have greater impact because they can be more readily replayed in their minds. Encourage them to tell you what their peers have said about the conflict, so that you can correct distortions or deliberate falsifications. Separate fact from fiction, but place the truth in terms they can understand. Depending upon their age and readiness, point out cause and effect, the importance of truth and agreements, and other lessons to be learned. Help them access their intellect rather than fall prey to their emotions. Emphasize the need for them to follow their familiar routines.
Think of mastery as a way of tying off the loose ends of feelings so that the usual sense of safety and control can return.? When our country is on the other side of this conflict, some children will need further help in getting there, too. Don't expect them to just drop the discussion, although some children may gladly do so.? Periodically ask them if they are still having feelings or questions about what happened. Point out that it's okay to keep talking, and that you don't want them to keep those thoughts trapped inside. Those children who have been especially shaken by events should return to normal sleep and behavior patterns within a couple of weeks. If this isn't the case, or other troubling reactions persist, consult with a qualified child psychologist.
Copyright 2005, The Optimal Functioning Institute
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